Embracing Divine Tension in Conflict (Part 7)

Siding on the wrong side of conflicts

The pages of Scripture reveal a deep, eternal danger of siding with half-truths: the spiritual ruin of those who mistake human empathy for divine alignment. Consider Korah’s rebellion in Numbers 16. Korah, Dathan, Abiram, and 250 respected leaders rose against Moses and Aaron. Their complaint sounded reasonable, even spiritual: “You have gone too far! The whole community is holy, every one of them, and the Lord is with them. Why then do you set yourselves above the Lord’s assembly?” – Numbers 16:3. There was a kernel of truth here. God had indeed declared the entire nation “a kingdom of priests and a holy nation” (Exodus 19:6). Many Israelites likely felt genuine frustration with leadership that sometimes seemed heavy-handed. Empathy for the “common people” against the “elite” would have felt righteous. Yet God’s response was swift and terrifying: the earth opened and swallowed Korah, his followers, and their households alive. The next day, when the people grumbled in misplaced sympathy for the rebels, “You have killed the Lord’s people,” a plague killed 14,700 more (Numbers 16:41-49). The small degree of validity in their complaint did not justify rebellion.

A second biblical case is equally instructive. Ahithophel, one of King David’s most trusted counselors, joined Absalom’s coup against his own king (2 Samuel 15-17). Ahithophel had personal reasons that carried emotional weight. He was Bathsheba’s grandfather. David’s adultery and the murder of Uriah had devastated his family. When Absalom rebelled, Ahithophel’s counsel to him was brilliant and almost succeeded. From a purely human perspective, his decision looked like justice, righteous indignation against a king who had sinned grievously. There was undeniable validity to his grievance. Yet Ahithophel sided against the man God had anointed. When his advice was later rejected, he went home, set his affairs in order, and hanged himself (2 Samuel 17:23). Personal pain, however legitimate, had blinded him to the bigger picture: David remained God’s chosen instrument. God had forgiven David, Ahithophel did not! (Note: siding with God’s “anointed order” does not mean excusing the leader’s sin, but rather trusting God’s method for addressing that sin rather than joining a rebellion.)

Another sobering example comes from the spy mission in Numbers 13-14. Twelve leaders were sent to scout the Promised Land. Ten returned overwhelmed by what they saw: “The people who live there are powerful, and the cities are fortified and very large…We even saw descendants of Anak there” – Numbers 13:28. Their fears were not fabricated; the obstacles were genuinely intimidating, the enemy strong. The entire congregation, gripped by faithlessness and probable empathy for their wives and children and a desire to avoid slaughter, sided with the majority report. They wept aloud, grumbled against Moses and Aaron, and even said, “If only we had died in Egypt! Or in this wilderness! …Wouldn’t it be better for us to go back to Egypt?” – Numbers 14:2-3. Joshua and Caleb pleaded with them to trust God’s promise, declaring, “The Lord is with us. Do not be afraid of them” – Numbers 14:9. But the people’s emotional alignment with the “realistic” and “compassionate” view of danger prevailed. The spies had literally “deconstructed” the faith of the Israelites! God’s verdict was devastating: that entire generation would wander in the desert for forty years and die there, never entering the land (Numbers 14:28-35). A small degree of validity in their fear became the doorway to unbelief and national tragedy.

These stories illustrate why the Bible insists on discernment rather than emotional alignment. Partial truths and real hurts are the very tools the enemy uses to draw people onto the wrong side. Scripture therefore commands us to cultivate spiritual clarity.

Scriptures on discernment

Knowing which scriptures or biblical principles to apply to the situations you are facing requires wisdom, training, prayer and hearts aligned with God’s purposes (emphasis added in scriptures below).

• But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil – Hebrews 5:14.
• And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ – Philippians 1:9-10.
• So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong – 1 Kings 3:9.
• Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world – 1 John 4:1.

Discernment does not silence the prophetic voice, it guides it; the Old Testament prophets confronted corrupt kings directly, but they did so as God’s messengers, not as rebels joining an opposing faction.

The dangers of misplaced empathy

Misplaced empathy, the compassionate pull toward someone’s pain, fear, or grievance without submitting it to God’s truth, is one of the most subtle and deadly snares in spiritual conflicts. It feels virtuous. It whispers, “They have a point,” or “How can we ignore their suffering?” Yet the Bible repeatedly warns that unchecked human empathy can lead us to oppose God himself. Real emotion is never dismissed, but it must be filtered through discernment. This discernment also helps us distinguish between spiritual and worldly causes. Immigration, wars, and evil governments belong to a category of their own — and failing to separate the eternal from the temporal can pull us down the wrong path.

We see this danger in one of Jesus’ closest followers. When Jesus began predicting His own suffering and death, “Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. ‘Never, Lord!’ he said. ‘This shall never happen to you!’” – Matthew 16:22. Peter’s words flowed from deep love and protective empathy; he could not bear to see his Master suffer. Yet Jesus turned and said, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns” – Matthew 16:23. Even the most sincere human empathy, when it stands against God’s redemptive plan, becomes satanic opposition.

To be clear, we are called to empathy for all image-bearers, but never at the expense of aligning with rebellion or evil. True biblical empathy is expansive and compassionate, reflecting the heart of Christ who sympathizes with our weaknesses (Hebrews 4:15) and commands us to love even our enemies (Matthew 5:43-48). It means acknowledging real pain, legitimate fears, and genuine grievances on every side. However, empathy becomes misplaced and dangerous when it leads us to justify rebellion, to excuse sin, or to stand against his anointed purposes.

The Bible therefore equips us with clear warnings against letting empathy override truth:

• In a lawsuit the first to speak seems right, until someone comes forward and cross-examines – Proverbs 18:17.
• There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death –Proverbs 14:12.
• Do not follow the crowd in doing wrong – Exodus 23:2.

Misplaced empathy feels virtuous and before we know it, we are marching with Korah’s company, weeping with the ten spies, or rebuking the Son of God himself. Divine tension demands we hold the tension: acknowledge the grievance, feel the pain, yet submit every narrative to the light of God’s Word and his anointed order. Only then can we avoid the tragic irony of being right about a small truth while fatally wrong about the bigger picture.

The danger of meddling

One of the most practical warnings the Bible gives about navigating conflict is found in Proverbs 26:17: “Whoever meddles in a quarrel not his own is like one who grabs a dog by the ears.”

Imagine seizing a snarling dog by both ears. For a brief moment you may feel in control, but you are now locked in a dangerous position. You cannot safely let go, and the dog is furious. The longer you hold on, the more likely you are to be bitten. This is exactly what happens when we allow ourselves to be pulled into disputes, grievances, or rebellions that do not directly concern us, or our God-given sphere of responsibility.

In the stories we have already examined, many people were not the primary instigators yet still suffered devastating consequences because they grabbed the dog by the ears:

• The Israelites who sympathized with Korah after the earth swallowed the rebels.
• The congregation that joined the 10 spies in their fear.
• The crowd that was stirred by the chief priests to choose Barabbas over Jesus.
• Aaron, who yielded to the pressure of the people while Moses was on the mountain.

Each group stepped into a conflict that was not primarily theirs to resolve. Their empathy or desire to “do something” locked them into a position from which they could not gracefully withdraw, and they paid a heavy price.

How to avoid the “dog by the ears” trap

Divine tension requires us to hold real grievances and real pain in one hand, while firmly refusing to seize what is not ours in the other. Here are concrete ways to apply this proverb:

1. Ask the ownership question before engaging: Is this quarrel mine to own, or am I stepping into someone else’s fight?
2. Distinguish empathy from enlistment – You can acknowledge someone’s pain (“I see this is really hard”) without picking up their banner. Practical phrase: “I hear you, and I’m praying with you. But I’m not in a position to judge or join this battle.” This honors the person without grabbing the dog’s ears.
3. Set clear boundaries on social and digital involvement

• Do not forward, like, or amplify inflammatory content in a conflict you are not responsible to resolve. Resist the urge to “weigh in” on every church, family or political dispute trending online.
• Remember: silence is often the most discerning response.

4. Know when to release – If you have already grabbed the ears (i.e., you have already gotten involved or deeply aligned yourself), the wise move is a humble release as soon as possible: “I realize I spoke or aligned too quickly. This is not my fight to lead. I’m stepping back and trusting God with the outcome.” Pride keeps people holding the dog; humility lets them let go.

The principle of divine tension is not cold detachment, it is Spirit-led engagement within proper boundaries. Grabbing a dog by the ears feels like courageous involvement; in reality, it is often presumptuous meddling that God never asked for. 1 Peter 4:15 (ESV, emphasis added): “But let none of you suffer as a murderer or a thief or an evildoer or as a meddler.” Peter lists being a meddler alongside murder, theft and evil doing. Yikes!

By refusing to seize every quarrel that tugs at our heartstrings, we stay on the narrow path. We acknowledge real pain. We feel legitimate grief. But we do not allow partial truths or misplaced empathy to drag us into rebellion, division, or ruin. The dog keeps snarling, but we remain free, hands open, eyes fixed on Jesus, walking in discernment rather than drama.

As a litmus test, whenever you are drawn to side with a conflict ask yourself:

• Does this “valid point” require me to ignore a clear biblical command?
• Am I empathizing with a person’s pain and aligning with it at the expense of God’s will and holiness?
• Is my desire for perceived “justice” in this moment actually a form of rebellion against something God is allowing to happen?
• Does siding with this conflict produce the fruit of the Spirit (peace, love, self-control) or does it primarily fuel anger, frustration and division? 
• If my grievance is addressed, am I willing to remain under this leadership, or is my real goal the dismantling of the authority itself?

The divine tension we must navigate is the narrow path of spiritual discernment that acknowledges real grievances, partial truths, and legitimate human pain or empathy in a conflict, yet steadfastly refuses to let them seduce one into rebellion.

Living in the tension

Not all conflict has a clear right or wrong. Romans 14 tells us there are indeed disputable matters, where we can differ with each other and be “OK.” However, in an age of polarized conflicts (political, cultural, and personal) the principle of divine tension remains as urgent as ever. We are called to empathy for all people and Jesus himself modeled this perfectly: He wept over Jerusalem, ate with sinners, and showed compassion to the suffering, yet He never compromised truth, never excused sin, and never joined rebellion against the Father’s will.

So, the next time you feel the pull toward one side because your heart aches in empathy, pause. Ask the Holy Spirit for the discerning heart Solomon sought. The small validity may be real, but the Bible’s bigger picture is decisive. Side with truth, even when it costs you popularity, sympathy, or apparent justice. In the end, only God’s side stands.

Table of biblical examples: siding on the wrong side of conflicts

Embracing Divine Tension: Doves and Snakes (Part 6)

Embracing Divine Tension: Already but Not Yet (Part 8)